Thursday morning I took a test on Computertraining.com. While I was watching the Packers destroy the Bears, a rep called me and told me that I was in the top percentile ratings for that specific test. I thought it was easy. The second test was harder ... she said I did well on that one too. I have an appointment tomorrow at 6pm to check out the school and ask alot of questions. My credit is screwed so that option is probably out ... we'll see.
I still struggle with what I am really supposed to be doing ... I mean ... I like doing what I do at TC but, I am financially crippled. Am I supposed to work a secular job or am I supposed to be in full-time ministry ? At 43 that is a perplexing question. I have always worked so social security ... if it is still around ... shouldn't be an issue. I haven't saved a dime. I feel that I will always be paycheck to paycheck. It sucks. I know that I made a lot of poor life choices but because of those choices am I doomed to be piss poor for the rest of my short life ? I am capable of making a six-figure income easily. I made great money most of my life but, I pissed that away on selfish and destructive desires.
This morning we continued in James chapter four. It was kinda painful ... I want many of the same things that non-believers want. On one hand I trust God for my provision but in the same breath I have this doubt. I can't explain it. I know that I am not the only one.
"Lord I believe ... help thou mine unbelief."
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