Moving

I will no longer be using Blogger. For updates check out my Twitter page.

Twisted

I posted this a while ago. Feelings/Emotions.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aYtw11qBzNY
i don’t make everyone happy…..but it’s ok….it’s ok i’ve been through this before it’s nothing new…nothing new i don’t know why every time i wanna fly somebody always tries to hold me down….hold me down…i’m losing my faith every single time…i try no one is on my side don’t let me drown…let me drown
don’t worry about whatcha done now cause it’s ok…it’s ok...yeah, yeah it’s a test to see how much you can take…it’s nothin new…i don’t know why every time i wanna fly somebody always triesto hold me down….hold me down…i’m losing my faith every single time…i try no one is on my side don’t let me drown…let me drown i am drowning…i am sinking….yeah
i am drowning…i am sinking….yeah why won’t someone help me why won’t someone help me.
the psyche wants to believe the lie, while the spirit wants to hear Obsession by David Crowder
The inner struggle famishes me.

Lord I believe, help thou mine unbelief

Insanity ? ...

... is doing the same thing expecting different results. As Paul stated in Romans 7:15 "I do the things that I don't want to do but, the things I want to do, I don't." It is a dilemma that has plagued man since the fall. I love the Lord but, on the other hand, my actions dictate exactly the opposite. Paul also talked about grace. Where sin abounds, grace abounds all the more. I have to wonder ... just where does the reprobate mind come into play ?
My only refuge seems to be listening to the David Crowder Band and other christian music ... all the while feeling totally guilty because of my actions. Why do I do the things that I do ?
The entire congregation knows my story and I only told one person ... my pastor. The hypocrisy in the body of believers blows me away. Many christians do exactly the opposite of what the Word says ... they shoot their wounded. I made a grievous mistake and was thrown out on my a$$. If things go right ... I should be moving into my new apartment next week. Josh, my old roomie, will have an empty apartment ... not to mention ... it will be a disaster area. I can only imagine what the foyer looks like. I swept and hand washed it once a week for the last year.
What remains is the fact that I still subscribe to the what Keith Green said. "And if you've been burned here's what I've learned, the Lord's not the one to blame."
None of the people that I thought were my friends at work have even called me. I have to wonder ... were they my friends at all ? ...
I think I may be better off in a mainline denomination where people are who they are and there is no pretension.

Back On Track

For those that are concerned ... I am officially back online. I am also back to work. Back to the grind of flooring. It has been approximately 2 weeks and my body is sore as heck. After sitting behind a desk for better than a year ... my body is finally getting acclimated to physical labor. Since I have been back to work I have just been too tired to go to the library to get internet access. Today I bought a Cricket phone and their broadband service. Not a bad deal either. I get unlimited phone and broadband for 70 bucks a month.

Alive-N-Kicking

After a brief hiatus from blogging ... I am back. None the worse either. The job search is depressing right now. I have sent out at lest 50 resumes with only 1 interview and 1 call. This is quite strange to me ... not working and all.
I should be moving into my new apartment in a few weeks.
The condemnation sometimes gets frustrating. Another restoration is not in the plan. At 44 I have decided to face my situation head first. The journey may be long but God is with me all the way.

Worship Experience ...

... was last nite and it was wonderful! Kevin called me earlier in the day an asked if he could borrow my ear. Of course I said yes. I got there about 5:30. The worship team was Kevin, John, Matt and Aaron. They did great. Justin did the powerpoint and I ran sound. I am thankful for the church family that I have. It was nice to see Tom and his wife. I talked to (pastor) Tom for a minute. He asked how the job hunt is going.

Unemployment Time

I am unemployed and employed at the same time ... go figure. I am on-call for one more week at TC. Jayme has a list of stuff for me over at the womens center. I will go ever there tomorrow morning. I got hired at a local snow removal company. I am on-call there too. I am praying for a on-site maintenance position at a local real estate company. That would really smooth out the rough edges right now.

My God shall supply all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus.