Resurrected_Todd

Moving

2009-04-30T11:55:00.001-05:00

I will no longer be using Blogger. For updates check out my Twitter page.

Twisted

2009-04-26T21:10:00.003-05:00

I posted this a while ago. Feelings/Emotions.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aYtw11qBzNY
i don’t make everyone happy…..but it’s ok….it’s ok i’ve been through this before it’s nothing new…nothing new i don’t know why every time i wanna fly somebody always tries to hold me down….hold me down…i’m losing my faith every single time…i try no one is on my side don’t let me drown…let me drown
don’t worry about whatcha done now cause it’s ok…it’s ok...yeah, yeah it’s a test to see how much you can take…it’s nothin new…i don’t know why every time i wanna fly somebody always triesto hold me down….hold me down…i’m losing my faith every single time…i try no one is on my side don’t let me drown…let me drown i am drowning…i am sinking….yeah
i am drowning…i am sinking….yeah why won’t someone help me why won’t someone help me.
the psyche wants to believe the lie, while the spirit wants to hear Obsession by David Crowder
The inner struggle famishes me.

Lord I believe, help thou mine unbelief

Insanity ? ...

2009-03-29T12:24:00.002-05:00

... is doing the same thing expecting different results. As Paul stated in Romans 7:15 "I do the things that I don't want to do but, the things I want to do, I don't." It is a dilemma that has plagued man since the fall. I love the Lord but, on the other hand, my actions dictate exactly the opposite. Paul also talked about grace. Where sin abounds, grace abounds all the more. I have to wonder ... just where does the reprobate mind come into play ?
My only refuge seems to be listening to the David Crowder Band and other christian music ... all the while feeling totally guilty because of my actions. Why do I do the things that I do ?
The entire congregation knows my story and I only told one person ... my pastor. The hypocrisy in the body of believers blows me away. Many christians do exactly the opposite of what the Word says ... they shoot their wounded. I made a grievous mistake and was thrown out on my a$$. If things go right ... I should be moving into my new apartment next week. Josh, my old roomie, will have an empty apartment ... not to mention ... it will be a disaster area. I can only imagine what the foyer looks like. I swept and hand washed it once a week for the last year.
What remains is the fact that I still subscribe to the what Keith Green said. "And if you've been burned here's what I've learned, the Lord's not the one to blame."
None of the people that I thought were my friends at work have even called me. I have to wonder ... were they my friends at all ? ...
I think I may be better off in a mainline denomination where people are who they are and there is no pretension.

Back On Track

2009-03-20T16:33:00.002-05:00

For those that are concerned ... I am officially back online. I am also back to work. Back to the grind of flooring. It has been approximately 2 weeks and my body is sore as heck. After sitting behind a desk for better than a year ... my body is finally getting acclimated to physical labor. Since I have been back to work I have just been too tired to go to the library to get internet access. Today I bought a Cricket phone and their broadband service. Not a bad deal either. I get unlimited phone and broadband for 70 bucks a month.

Alive-N-Kicking

2009-02-12T14:11:00.002-06:00

After a brief hiatus from blogging ... I am back. None the worse either. The job search is depressing right now. I have sent out at lest 50 resumes with only 1 interview and 1 call. This is quite strange to me ... not working and all.
I should be moving into my new apartment in a few weeks.
The condemnation sometimes gets frustrating. Another restoration is not in the plan. At 44 I have decided to face my situation head first. The journey may be long but God is with me all the way.

Worship Experience ...

2009-01-25T09:44:00.002-06:00

... was last nite and it was wonderful! Kevin called me earlier in the day an asked if he could borrow my ear. Of course I said yes. I got there about 5:30. The worship team was Kevin, John, Matt and Aaron. They did great. Justin did the powerpoint and I ran sound. I am thankful for the church family that I have. It was nice to see Tom and his wife. I talked to (pastor) Tom for a minute. He asked how the job hunt is going.

Unemployment Time

2009-01-22T10:27:00.002-06:00

I am unemployed and employed at the same time ... go figure. I am on-call for one more week at TC. Jayme has a list of stuff for me over at the womens center. I will go ever there tomorrow morning. I got hired at a local snow removal company. I am on-call there too. I am praying for a on-site maintenance position at a local real estate company. That would really smooth out the rough edges right now.

My God shall supply all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus.

Ch ch ch ch ch ch ch Changes ...

2009-01-18T18:52:00.003-06:00

... on friday january the sixteenth I got a call to meet Judy at El Greco's. I had this distinct feeling that something bad was gonna happen. Inwardly I knew that I was going to be released from my job. I got to her office after waiting at El Greco's for 10 minutes. She told me that they were accepting my verbal resignation. I told her that I did not officially resign and she looked at me funny and scribbled some notes on her notepad. We started going over COBRA details and the like. I guess that I am finally getting my wish. For the most part ... I have not liked my employer from the get-go. I love what I did and excelled at it. I was able to take a pretty messed-up business and turn it into a completely legitimate and law abiding business.
The words of one of my favorite Keith Green songs resound clear as a bell ... "and if you've been burned here's what I've learned ... the Lord's not the one to blame." Despite all my confusion I still believe that God is in control. There can be many things learned here. I need to remain positive.
I will never leave you or forsake you.

Tis The Season Pt II

2009-01-13T20:06:00.002-06:00

It's official ... I lost the incentive check. That equals anywhere between two and four hundred dollars a month. If I were as Job I would say ... "the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away ... blessed be the name of the Lord." I am not Job. At this juncture I will just say nothing. I will, however, pray and ask Him what I an supposed to learn here.

One part accepts it and the other part screams for vengeance. I can and will only take it one day at a time. Only His grace will take me through this.

Tis The Season ...

2009-01-09T20:19:00.002-06:00

... to be growin' fa la la la la la la la la ! Well ! ... let's just start out the year with a big fat trial. I am no longer the operations manager at the ADP. I have a new title. I am now the operations supervisor. I am in charge of all the buildings, maintenance and I get to take the guys flyering every day in the afternoons. I didn't ask for the new job. It was thrust on me. No choice on my part. Initially they said I was going to lose my ADP incentive. It's all in the air. I am left hanging. I am going to need alot of grace to deal with all this unexpected change.

Trials and Tribulations for the New Year

2009-01-06T20:47:00.002-06:00

There's storm clouds on the horizon. If anyone reads this ... Please pray for me. There are things going on right now that I am not able to mention here on this forum. I fear for my job ... if I have one at all.

"I will never leave you or forsake you"

Christmas ...

2008-12-30T08:43:00.002-06:00

... was pretty much the same this year. Yia Yia took the entire family out to eat at Layton
Gardens. After brunch we went to Kevin and Carrie's. There was drinks and snacks. We looked at a bunch of pictures from the cruise. Craig and Mike had 600. There wasn't the usual craziness with presents ... whew ... what a relief ! I opened mine at Ma's and I gave Yia Yia a card with money in it ... I got hollered at !
Everyone is Catholic. Many would call them unsaved. I don't. They believe in Jesus and that he died and rose from the dead for their sins. They believe and confess. According to Romans 10:9,10 that makes them believers. There is so much division amongst christians that it makes me ill. Why can't we just all get along ?
Jesus is the reason for the season !
Lucy was pretty good for a puppy. I am glad that Nereus and Katie picked her up last night. I'll stick with snakes ans spiders ... much easier !

Paul Harvey says ...

2008-12-22T13:28:00.001-06:00

...

I don't believe in Santa Claus, but I'm not going to sue somebody for singing a Ho-Ho-Ho song in D ecember. I don't agree with Darwin , but I didn't go out and hire a lawyer when my high school teacher taught his Theory of Evolution

Life, liberty or your pursuit of happiness will not be endangered because someone says a 30-second prayer before a football game.

So what' s the big deal? It's not like somebody is up there reading the entire book of Acts. They're just talking to a God they believe in and asking him to grant safety to the players on the field and the fans going home from the game.

But it's a Christian prayer, some will argue.

Yes, and this is the United States of A merica , a country founded on Christian principles. According to our very own phone book, Christian churches outnumber all others better than 200-to-1. So what would you expect -

somebody chanting Hare Krishna?

If I went to a football game in Jerusalem , I would expect to hear a Jewish prayer.

If I w ent to a soccer game in Baghdad , I would expect to hear a Muslim prayer.

If I went to a ping pong match in China , I would expect to hear someone pray to Buddha.

And I wouldn't be offended.
It wouldn't bother me one bit.
When in Rome .

But what about the atheists? Is another argument.

What about them?
Nobody is asking them to be baptized. We're not going to pass the collection plate. Just humor us for 30 seconds. If that's asking too much, bring a Walkman or a pair of ear plugs. Go to the bathroom. Visit the concession stand. Call your lawyer!

Unfortunately, one or two will make that call. One or two will tell thousands what they can and cannot do. I don't think a short prayer at a football game is going to shake the world's foundations.

Christians are just sick and tired of turning the other cheek while our courts strip us of all our rights. Our parents and grandparents taught us to pray before eating; to pray before we go to sleep.

Our Bible tells us to pray without ceasing. Now a handful of people and their lawyers are telling us to cease praying.

God, help us.
And if that last s entence offends you, well ... just sue me.

The silent majority has been silent too long. It's time we let that one or two who scream loud enough to be heard that the vast majority doesn't care what they want. It is time the majority rules! It's time we tell them, you don't have to pray; you don't have to say the pledge of allegiance; you don't have to believe in God or attend services that honor Him. That is your right, and we will honor your right . But b y golly, you are no longer going to take our rights away. We are fighting back.
and we WILL WIN!

God bless us one and all ... especially those who denounce Him, God bless America, despite all her faults. She is still the greatest nation of all.

God bless our service men who are fighting to protect our right to pray and worship God.

2008 will be the year the silent majority is heard and we put God back as the foundation of our families and institutions ... and our Military come home from all the wars.

Keep looking up.

Old Man Winter

2008-12-21T08:49:00.003-06:00

We've made it through the first round of snow storms in Milwaukee. The first wasn't even a big deal except for traffic reasons. The second one dumped close to a foot in the surrounding area. It was wet, heavy and deep. It took me a half hour to get my car out.
Yesterday I went on my first solo photo & video shoot. It was for a kid's birthday. All in all it went well for my first time. Peter was happy with the camera work. He says each time that I go out I am getting better at my camera work. 2 hours work ... 100 bucks ... which means 100 off my Mac debt. I am getting more confident. I need to use a few more tools taking video. One being the "interview." Getting a story going for the video. Involving more of the poeple in the video. Composing group photos with kids is a bummer. There were around 25 kids squirming and moving.
God's grace was, is and will be sufficient.

Jesus Is The Reason

2008-12-16T09:19:00.001-06:00

Jesus is Better than Santa

Santa lives at the North Pole.

JESUS is everywhere.

Santa rides in a sleigh

JESUS rides on the wind and walks on the water.

Santa comes but once a year

JESUS is an ever present help.

Santa fills your stockings with goodies

JESUS supplies all your needs.

Santa comes down your chimney uninvited

JESUS stands at your door and knocks..

And then enters your heart.

You have to stand in line to see Santa

JESUS is as close as the mention of His name.

Santa lets you sit on his lap

JESUS lets you rest in His arms.

Santa doesn't know your name, all he can say is

"Hi little boy or girl, What's your name?"

JESUS knew our name before we did.

Not only does He know our name,

He knows our address too.

He knows our history and future and He

even knows how many hairs are on our heads.

Santa has a belly like a bowl full of jelly

JESUS has a heart full of love.

All Santa can offer is HO HO HO

JESUS offers health, help and hope.

Santa says "You better not cry"

JESUS says "Cast all your cares on me

for I care for you.

Santa's little helpers make toys

JESUS makes new life, mends wounded hearts,

repairs broken homes and builds mansions.

Santa may make you chuckle but

JESUS gives you joy that is your strength.

While Santa puts gifts under your tree

JESUS became our gift and died on the tree.

It's obvious there is really no comparison.

We need to remember WHO Christmas is all about.

We need to put Christ back in Christmas.

Jesus is still the reason for the season.

May the Lord Bless and Watch over you and

your loved ones this Christmas 2008

And may He prosper and bless the work

of your hands in the New Year.

Athiests Holiday

2008-12-15T07:36:00.002-06:00

In Florida, an atheist created a case against the Easter & Passover holy days. He hired an attorney to bring a discrimination case against Christians, Jews & observances of their holy days. The argument was, it was unfair that atheists had no such recognized day(s). The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the passionate presentation by the lawyer,the judge banged his gavel declaring, 'Case dismissed.' The lawyer immediately stood objecting to the ruling saying, 'Your honor, how can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have Christmas, Easter & others. The Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur & Hanukkah. Yet my client & all other atheists have no such holidays.' The judge leaned forward in his chair saying, 'But you do. Your client,counsel, is woefully ignorant.' The lawyer said, 'Your Honor, we are unaware of any special observance or holiday for atheists.'

The judge said, 'The calendar says April 1st is 'April Fools Day.' Psalm 14:1 states, 'The fool says in his heart, there is no God.' Thus, it is the opinion of this court, that if your client says there is no God, then he is a fool. Therefore, April 1st is his day. Court is adjourned.

Si Senor !

2008-12-14T17:01:00.002-06:00

Tom, as usual, preached another good one. Tough one but good nonetheless. In light of what God did for us ... we shouldn't worry about what goes on around us. When you take into consideration what the first century christians were going through at the time ... nothing should really bother me but, ... it does. Sometimes I feel so unspiritual. I realize that spirituality isn't a feeling. Feelings are deceptive and also too closely tied to emotions ... duhhh ? ...

Last night was a nightmare as far as sound is concerned. It took me quite a while to get the circuitry figured for the lights. I only ran one-third of the show. I think I'll try to do the whole show. The show minus the side-fills stinks. Laura came last night. She came over and talked to me for quite a while. I am becoming quite infatuated with her. I feel just like a pimpley 15 year old kid. I've never been a ladies man. She seems attracted to me and it's gotta be written all over my face whenever she's around. I ain't nervous but, I feel flush when I am anywhere near her ... including when I go to the shop. The smell of dogs makes me physically sick but I am drawn to go into the grooming area and smile at her. I think I said it before ... she is everything I am not. Sounds like a match made in heaven to me or ... not. I have frittered away most of my life. What would an impressionable lady see in me ? I don't have a pot to pi$$ in or a window to throw it out of.

Then there's that gal at church who I'm afraid of. We looked each other dead in the eye this morning but when it came time for fellowship ... we both ran in opposite directions. Maybe it's my imagination. I am preoccupied with having a partner ... then on the other hand I think about the last sentence of the last paragraph.

Tomorrow brings new mercies.

Christianity ? ...

2008-12-10T21:54:00.002-06:00

In the last year I have witnessed another side of christianity. It is not pleasant. If I had to compare it with something know to many ... I would have to compare it to the crusades. Filled with lies, bigotry, hatred and double-standards. I sometimes wonder what I am supposed to be learning here ... or if I am missing the boat altogether. I found out today that I will get no raise, no bonus and have been taken out of the loop at the workplace. I can sign nothing. I still have a job ... or I could be considered to be a babysitter. I have no authority but, all the responsibility lies on my shoulders. I believe I did the right thing by coming back here to care for my Ma. I also believe that I made a huge mistake by taking a position with the company that I now work.
There are so many questions that I ask Him on a daily basis but, seem to get no answer.
I am at the end of my rope ... so I will tie a knot and try to hang on.
for it is by grace that you have been saved and this not from yourself ... it is the gift of God ... so that no-one can boast

A Big Pile of S ...

2008-12-09T15:43:00.002-06:00

...snow ! We've gotten close to 6 inches of wet sloppy mess. Things seemed to work out with my boss. Neither of us can afford any mistakes. It all seems to work out in the end. At the last 2 staff meetings Craig alluded to being short on money. Last year at the same time they let 2 people go. We will see what happens. Whatever happens ... I have to believe that God is in control ... in spite of what man does. I have seen stuff this year that really shouldn't surprise me but, it does.

Lord I believe ... help thou mine unbelief !

I started working on my christmas project last night. It is going pretty good. Figuring out the new software and new platform is a bit hard. I will produce the dvd project and the burn it to dvd at the studio. Finding all the pictures is half the battle. I have files on 4 different computers.

Wednesday ...

2008-12-03T17:54:00.002-06:00

... a typical wednesday ... last minute garbage. Tim came to me yesterday about a serious situation with leadership. I told Tim that I couldn't tell him what to do but, I told him what not to do. It is really a sticky situation. I don't know how to address it ... or if I should address it at all. I want to believe that God is big enough to already know what the outcome is.
Another issue with a re-entry student. It's a dismissable offense. I believe in grace with accountability.
Craig called Alvin the other day and asked what I do. I wonder if they are planning to have a student do my work and letting me go ? ... Hmmmm ? ... Makes me think. We will see.

Black Friday ? ...

2008-11-29T08:45:00.002-06:00

... That's only if your are foolish enough to go shopping on that particular day. I spent the day reworking two racks. We ate twice and gave each other a whole bunch of crap. We probably drove Kari nuts all night.
Me and Ma went to the Bluemound Gardens for thanksgiving. She had duck and I had Souvlaki ... shishkabobs for the non-greek speaker. Travis called Ma after I dropped her off. I am glad and apprehensive at the same time. Maybe we will see them and the kids. I am not holding my breath ... I miss them and the kids but, am wary of somekind of drama.
We are doing a wedding tonight so it will be an early one.
After posting the pictures of the last Kiko's gig I realized that I am totally attracted to Laura. She is everything I am not ... stable, fantastic with money and quiet. Could she be the right one ? I got the feeling she was interested when I was sealing the asphalt at he studio. We'll see ... I am going to maybe ask her out to dinner or a movie. I feel like a 15 year old and sick to my stomach about the whole thing.

Happy Thanksgiving !

2008-11-26T08:02:00.002-06:00

We went to the Joel Osteen event sunday night. I was extremely upset to have my personal time infringed upon. After the worship started I cooled off. The worship was fantastic ... to say the least. I had never actually heard him preach. It was ok. Not much Word. More encouragement than anything. I would say all in all, I enjoyed it. I am really finding myself at odds with my employer. Legislating my personal time is unacceptable. If they want to change my schedule ... fine ... until that time don't make events mandatory.

I was going to go to Cape and St Louis for the weekend ... turns out it was med week. I will spend it with my Ma. I work tonite and saturday. I will be down from seven hundred to five hundred owed on my Mac.

Oh Yeah ... Have a Happy Thanksgiving Y'all !

Computer Training II

2008-11-18T19:49:00.002-06:00

Yesterday I had my interview with Computertraining.com. It is a decent program for getting your Microsoft certifications. It cost around twenty eight thousand. You can be completely certified and have a great job within 6 months. I, as I expected, needed a co-signer, or as they called it, a sponsor. I knew this before I went and told the rep so. I had a long talk with Peter after the interview. I think I'm just going to keep walking the path that I'm on. I don't think it's wise to take a 30 thousand dollar loan for school to find out that I may hate my job despite making a good salary. If and when Precious- Studios hires me full-time, I will make a similiar salary and really enjoy what I am going to be doing. I have had a life long desire to record my own music. It is coming to pass. I have wanted to get into free-lance photography ... it too is coming to pass. The web-design thing is coming together as well. I cannot explain why things at work are going so well. A calm before the storm ? ... I dunno. All I know is that since the banquet I really enjoy what I do ... solving problems and working with the guys. My relationship with Alvin couldn't be better. I wouldn't call him a mentor but he has been an advocate for me and I for him since the "mishap."

Computer Training

2008-11-16T19:50:00.003-06:00

Thursday morning I took a test on Computertraining.com. While I was watching the Packers destroy the Bears, a rep called me and told me that I was in the top percentile ratings for that specific test. I thought it was easy. The second test was harder ... she said I did well on that one too. I have an appointment tomorrow at 6pm to check out the school and ask alot of questions. My credit is screwed so that option is probably out ... we'll see.

I still struggle with what I am really supposed to be doing ... I mean ... I like doing what I do at TC but, I am financially crippled. Am I supposed to work a secular job or am I supposed to be in full-time ministry ? At 43 that is a perplexing question. I have always worked so social security ... if it is still around ... shouldn't be an issue. I haven't saved a dime. I feel that I will always be paycheck to paycheck. It sucks. I know that I made a lot of poor life choices but because of those choices am I doomed to be piss poor for the rest of my short life ? I am capable of making a six-figure income easily. I made great money most of my life but, I pissed that away on selfish and destructive desires.

This morning we continued in James chapter four. It was kinda painful ... I want many of the same things that non-believers want. On one hand I trust God for my provision but in the same breath I have this doubt. I can't explain it. I know that I am not the only one.

"Lord I believe ... help thou mine unbelief."

Duhhh ? ...

2008-11-15T15:44:00.004-06:00

... Which way did he go George ? ... I got up at 6 like usual ... jumped on the Mac talked to Shannon for what seemed like an eternity on AIM. I looked at the clock on the Mac and it was 8:17am ... Holy smoke ! I was gonna be late meeting Nereus at Stone Creek. I tossed on a hat and raced over to Peter's to drop off his mouse and keyboard. I got to Stone Creek at what I thought was 9:05am ... I called Nereus and asked him if he was running late ... he said "Dude, it's 8:05." I looked at my phone and felt like an idiot. He came to the coffee shop and we went to church to clean. We totally jammed ! It took a 'lil bit more than 2 hours. As we were wrapping it up (pastor) Tom and Elise were coming in. Lucy jumped up on Tom ... he looked surprised.

I went to get some paperwork from a guy that was supposed to mail me 2 weeks ago. I stopped at the Apple shop and picked up a keyboard and a Mighty Mouse. Talked to Ernie from church and grabbed the paperwork.

Worship Experience tonite. It'll be my first.

The New Mac

2008-11-14T23:03:00.002-06:00

So far ... so good. It is going to take a 'lil getting used to ... I'll adjust. It's a Mac Mini. with an Intel Core 2 Duo. It comes in a 6.5x6.5x2 package. I am amazed by the brawn in such a small package. For $500.00 ... it's well worth it for my first Macintosh. I have an amazing amount of software. It seems that my childhood dreams of recording are coming true. I also have an M-Audio 410 Firewire analog to digital converter. It turns an analog signal into digital. I can record vocals, instruments and line signals.

I have a couple of websites to build ... paid ones to boot ! One for Eckman's Automotive and one for my cousin Jenny's new business venture. I am excited. Peter is going to send a bunch of stuff my way.

The wedding season is right around the corner too ! I may start getting paid this next season if I keep up the good work. Peter is going to get a new cam this next year and he is going to sell me the back-up at a good price. I still want a Canon EOS ... even the cheap ones run $600.00.

I'll have the Mac and the 410 paid off in no time. The gigs are picking up. If things go as planned ... I should have the $700.00 paid off in 3 months.

Packers ... Packers ...

2008-11-09T16:37:00.002-06:00

... lose another ... that makes their record 4-5. The game totally stunk until halftime. We capitalized on a fumble and then a kick-off return td. We gave her the old school try.
Peter ordered my new Macintosh Mini yesterday. Finally ... I am going professional. Peter is going to load it with close to 10 grand of professional software. I am excited as all get out !
Learning a new platform is going to be interesting. Learning all the new software is overwhelming. Just the stock Apple stuff is amazing ... not to mention all the other pro stuff.
Simply amazing !

Sufficient

2008-11-04T18:17:00.002-06:00

God's grace is sufficient. I had a mild heart attack last night. I am ok. A small miracle too ... the 2 arteries that were over 50% clogged are now only 10-25% clogged ! That just doesn't happen.

Jehovah-Jireh ... my God shall supply all my needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus !

Whew !

2008-11-02T09:34:00.002-06:00

I am pooped out ! 3 gigs this week and then the concrete pour saturday morning. We poured 2 yards for Mike an Molly's rear sidewalk. Almost the entire community group gang was there. I am glad that I went. Our community group does more than once a month. We are also doing a "fun" night at Nick and Esther's. We had a blast tuesday for "fun" night. We played "Rock Band" on Wii ... yea ... even I played. Nereus is quite the musician ... theatrics and all ! I am really glad that I am getting to know everyone better. I can be reclusive ... NO PROBLEM ! I make myself go. Nick and Esther and Mike and Molly are both expecting ... way cool. It's neat to see the friendships that God is forging. Seems that I'm the "construction" guy. I like teaching others how to do stuff. everyone picked up on finishing yesterday. I left before Mike brushed the concrete. I am curious to see how it turned out.
Great weekend ! Off to Mercy Hill !

Yea !

2008-10-26T08:39:00.002-05:00

The banquet seemed to go off without a hitch. I've never seen such a large event before. There had to be close to 500 people. The food presentation was amazing. I hope that it raised the funds that we needed to. I took 247 pictures. Maybe 150 turned out. It was amazingly dark. I wasn't able to use my tripod ... so close to 100 pictures went right in the trash ... blurred or overexposed.
I can only imagine what friday cost. Maybe things will mellow out at the center now. Judy needs a few days off. David too.
I am glad that the band plays 3 times this week ... I need the cash. The bands website is almost finished ... I have one or two more videos to insert into the player. I am thankful that the relationship between Peter, Kari and myself has been restored. Without the work that they have provided I probably would have had to quit TC.

How He Loves Us

2008-10-24T16:17:00.001-05:00

Annual Banquet

2008-10-24T08:48:00.002-05:00

Today is finally the big event. It is at the Midwest Airlines Center downtown. The place is huge. It has been absolutely nuts around here for the last 2 months. Judy and David Wannenmacher did absolutely marvelous ! All the staff and students involved di great as well. Fortunately I did not have to do much. I will be taking all the pictures tonight. I pray that I do well.
Financially I am strapped to the gills. My meds are expensive, the heating bill is outrageous and eating healthy is expensive too. I am just not making enough to make ends meet. I won't even have enough to pay tithes. I don't ever miss tithes.
Tim talked to me yesterday about making him a website. I am almost finished with Heat's site. I have been on it for around a month on and off. I have learned alot on that site. I seem to be getting better on my scripting abilities.
Today I am the phoneman until 4:30pm ... then it's off to the banquet.

Lower and lower ...

2008-10-21T11:53:00.004-05:00

... my blood pressure goes. At least, for the last 2 times at cardiac rehab. Today my blood pressure was the lowest since I've been on the high blood pressure medicine. 104/78. That's after exercising though ... it still needs to come down on the regular level.

David called me this morning and asked me if I will take pictures for the annual banquet and auction. I told him ... DEFINITELY ! It's neat how things work out. I am blessed ! Now I am actually looking forward to the banquet.

A 'lil bit better

2008-10-16T09:47:00.002-05:00

I returned to cardiac rehab this morning. My blood pressure was still high before c.r., a little lower when I got there and then a little lower while I was on the treadmill and the stepper. I'm going to see the psychologist this afternoon. My nurse said part of my high blood pressure can be related to stress. I just hope that it comes down to where it's supposed to be.

Lord I believe ... help thou mine unbelief.

Blood Pressure

2008-10-13T11:24:00.002-05:00

I am starting to get worried. My blasted blood pressure is going through the roof. It was 192/114 this morning. I feel a distinct pain. I just faxed my last 30 readings to my cardiologist. It's annoying that it rose after I started taking my medication. I am too young to follow in the footsteps of all the men in my family. They are all gone. There's only me and my brother. My lifestyle is diametrically opposed to his.

Will I go home to be with the Lord soon ? ...

Hold Me Down

2008-10-12T22:17:00.002-05:00

I don’t make everyone happy…..but it’s ok….it’s ok
I’ve been through this before It’s nothing new…nothing new

I don’t know why every time i wanna fly Somebody always triesTo hold me down….hold me down…I’m losing my faith every single time…i try
No one is on my side Don’t let me drown…let me drown.

Don’t worry about whatcha done now cause it’s ok…it’s ok...yeah, yeah
It’s a test to see how much you can take…it’s nothin new…

I don’t know why every time i wanna fly Somebody always tries To hold me down….hold me down…I’m losing my faith every single time…i try No one is on my side
Don’t let me drown…let me drown

I am drowning…i am sinking….yeah
I am drowning…i am sinking….yeah

Why won’t someone help me
Why won’t someone help me

A Bit Better

2008-10-08T08:35:00.002-05:00

I didn't sleep well last night but, I sure feel a bit better than yesterday. My BP was almost normal at around 4am. After I took the last of the pain meds the bp went up considerably. I am glad that the pain and the meds are done. I am waiting for the call to go back to cardiac rehab. There's a treadmill in the basement. Hopefully it works so I can just walk here and then maybe Zumba down the road.
My voice was trashed but, praise and worship went well this morning.

One For The Gipper ...

2008-10-07T22:07:00.005-05:00

... whatever that means ? ... It just sounded good. Today started out pretty crappy. I got up and checked the bp and it was off the chain. I went to cardiac rehab and was told to go home. I will now need clearance from my cardiologist. to go back to cardiac rehab. The meds are NOT doing what they are supposed to be doing. My vitals have been elevated all day. I managed to sleep some of the morning. I got up to read my camera manual. Then I started in on my cuz' bands website. With a few modifications and a coupla directives from Peter ... the basic design is done. I still need to train Pepito on some slideshow insertions. After that I will move all the videos to our server once I figure out the scripts.
I have been taking quite a large amount of pictures. I am getting to understand the relationship between the settings and the exif data in photoshop. I have alot to learn and even more time to learn photography. I look forward to the next photo shoot. I am going to start taking pictures at the gigs with my camera unless Peter lets me use his back-up.

Friends Day

2008-10-05T20:25:00.003-05:00

Today was friends day at Mercy Hill. I passed out the invite cards and passed out the email invites. I wasn't able to attend because I had to sell banquet tickets at Poplar Creek A/G. It was wonderful to see some old friends from when I went through Milwaukee TC back in the early 90's. I was able to spend a few moments with Jay Balistreri and his wife Michelle. I remember Michelle and her folks from Bay View A/G. After they got married they went to Bethel Tabernacle A/G in Wauwatosa. After Talking to Jay it all came back to me ... we used to clean Bethel on saturdays and it was also the first time I actually prayed for a whole hour. It took quite alot of focus to do so. Now an hour goes like that ... lickety split !
I got a good word from the Lord today ... sort of an awakening !

Meet Me In The Stairwell

2008-10-01T09:32:00.000-05:00

You say you will never forget where you were when you heard the news On September 11, 2001. Neither will I. I was on the 110th floor in a smoke filled room with a man who called his wife to say 'Good-Bye.' I held his fingers steady as he dialed. I gave him the peace to say, 'Honey, I am not going to make it, but it is OK..I am ready to go.' I was with his wife when he called as she fed breakfast to their children. I held her up as she tried to understand his words and as she realized he wasn't coming home that night. I was in the stairwell of the 23rd floor when a woman cried out to Me for help. 'I have been knocking on the door of your heart for 50 years!' I said. 'Of course I will show you the way home - only believe in Me now.' I was at the base of the building with the Priest ministering to the injured and devastated souls. I took him home to tend to his Flock in Heaven. He heard my voice and answered. I was on all four of those planes, in every seat, with every prayer. I was with the crew as they were overtaken. I was in the very hearts of the believers there, comforting and assuring them that their faith has saved them. I was in Texas , Virginia , California , Michigan , Afghanistan . I was standing next to you when you heard the terrible news. Did you sense Me? I want you to know that I saw every face. I knew every name - though not all know Me. Some met Me for the first time on the 86th floor. Some sought Me with their last breath. Some couldn't hear Me calling to them through the smoke and flames; 'Come to Me... this way... take my hand.' Some chose, for the final time, to ignore Me. But, I was there. I did not place you in the Tower that day. You may not know why, but I do. However, if you were there in that explosive moment in time, would you have reached for Me? Sept. 11, 2001, was not the end of the journey for you. But someday your journey will end. And I will be there for you as well. Seek Me now while I may be found. Then, at any moment, you know you are 'ready to go.' I will be in the stairwell of your final moments. God During the next 60 seconds, stop whatever you are doing, and take this opportunity. (Literally it is only 1 minute.) All you have to do is the following: Stop and think and appreciate God's power in your life, for doing what you know is pleasing to Him. If you are not ashamed to do this, follow the instructions. Jesus said, 'If you are ashamed of Me, I will be ashamed of you before My Father' If you are not ashamed, copy and send this message...only if you believe 'Yes, I love my God. He is my fountain of Life and My Savior. He Keeps me going day and night. Without Him, I am no one. But with Him, I can do everything. Christ is my strength.'

ICE ...

2008-09-29T19:45:00.002-05:00

... Is an acronym for In Case of Emergency. It is now common practice for EMT's to look for ICE in your contacts on your cellular phone. I found out about it last week but didn't do it until now. I had a rough cardiac rehab this morning. My blood pressure and heart rate were elevated. I kept checking my pulse throughout the day and it stayed elevated all day. I have been uncomfortable all day. I guess I'll find out something in the morning.

It's All Good !

2008-09-29T06:23:00.002-05:00

I'm getting ready for another cardiac rehab session this morning. I am gonna eat breakfast first ! I went on my second photo shoot for a wedding this weekend. The difference is that I got to take pictures at the reception. Peter said that the pictures looked good at the reception. I will find out more tonight. There's a big difference looking at a picture on the rear of a camera as compared to full resolution which is 25 by 19 inches. Peter said I did good on the social aspect of photography. I have two more in the next two weekends. The wedding season is pretty much over for the year.
I got to take Stef to the newly opened Centraal Cafe on KK and Lincoln for her birthday for brunch. I don't see her much so it was nice to spend an hour with her. I am so proud of her. She is fanatical about the Brewers. She texted me when they won last night.
Whatever happens at work happens. I am prepared for both scenarios. I'd really rather not have to look for another job but, if I do ...
Tom preached the last in the "Psalms in the key of D" series. He is definitely gifted at breaking down the Word. I am glad that I go there.
Gotta run ! Happy Monday !

Clipping

2008-09-25T10:05:00.002-05:00

I went to my second session of cardiac rehab this morning. I did the treadmill for twenty minutes and then ten minutes on the bike. Apparently I am sorely out of shape. My heart rate went through the roof. Linda asked me if I was ok. I was. After cooling down my heart rate and blood pressure went back to normal. I barely broke a sweat. I will start riding my bike on a regular basis like I did in MO. I am down to 166 pounds ... four more to get to my target weight. I made some poor choices at work and may suffer some consequences. Life goes on. God has forgiven me so I will move forward. Condemnation is not of God ... so I will reject it. Life is a series of choices ... some good ... some bad. One thing I DO know is that NOTHING will separate me from the love of my savior. Nothing I do is a surprise to God so whatever happens must be a part of His plan. God loves us enough to make our own choices ... be they right or wrong. Which makes me wonder about this predestination thing. Ahh ... who knows ?
I will go on my second photo shoot this weekend. I will actually get to take some pictures. I will get to use my "training" camera ... a mere $2500.00. That's more than I make in 2 months. That's his cheap camera ! His main rig is close to $4000.00.
I will get an opportunity to play the acoustic guitar for a couple songs with the band. I will play on a Marshall Tucker song Can't You See and a Neil Young song. I am excited. While things seem to be falling apart at the office, my life in general seems to be getting better.

Autumnal Equinox

2008-09-22T10:46:00.003-05:00

Today at 10:46 is the autumnal equinox ... the end of summer and the beginning of fall. Some maples are already turning red. Fall is one of my favorite times. God's handiwork is manifest in the magnificent color schemes. Reminds me of the first verse of Ps 19 The heavens declare the glory of God The skies proclaim the work of His hands day after day they pour forth speech ...
I was able to seal Peters driveway friday. Saturday was another gig. New system ... faster teardown. I just have to seal the shop sidewalk and I owe him nothing. Quite a good deal.
Another in the Psalms in the key of D series. Tom has a gift to break down the Word in terms that normal (if there is such person) people can relate to. Nereus, Katie and myself did maintenance saturday night. It goes quick with 3 people. I really like the church and my community group.
Cardiac rehab this afternoon. I hope the old ticker is alright.
More garbage at work. I really dislike my employer. I try to do things as smoothly as possible but am faced with adversity and double-standards at every turn. They don't trust us. Definitely not a good thing. I wonder how long till the dismiss me and then talk bad about me. I see this particular organization as unscrupulous. I wonder if I will make it a full year ? ... We'll see.

Go Packers !

2008-09-14T14:59:00.002-05:00

Tom preached another good one this morning. He started with Psalm 42. Many of us know the song more than the Psalm itself ... As the deer ... Tom went on to explain what a maskil was. Masckil is a transliteration from the Hebrew meaning ... listen, learn from this. Basically it is preaching in song. It spoke volumes to me. The hart is a type of deer indigenous to Israel. We should thirst for God as the hart thirsts for streams of water. The hart, when hunted, will dive into the river head first, knowing that it may be it's last drink. I seem to be going through a cold streak right now. I desire Him but ... yet there is a distance. I know full well that He will never leave me or forsake me ... yet ... I feel ... distant. My faith in Him is not wavering but ... my faith in those who call themselves His people diminishes more and more with each passing day. I know hat I am supposed to keep my focus on Him. It is difficult when I am faced with bigotry, judgementalism and double-standards at every corner. I ask myself what I am supposed to be learning from being here. Do I become like those around me ? ... I think not. Am I better than those around me ? ... no. Do I have a freedom unlike those around me ? ... DEFINITELY ! I am thankful that I am able to see these things without growing cold, judgemental or complacent. I am thankful for the work that only God can do in a mans heart.
Packers win another ! Go Packers !

Blood Thinners-Plavix

2008-09-12T15:59:00.004-05:00

Since I had a stent put in I have been on the pricey clopidogrel ... better known as Plavix. Plavix is a blood thinner that keeps platelets from sticking to the stent or to thplaque that is already lining my coronary arteries. I get these skin tabs that I normally just clip off. I won't be making that mistake in the future. I bled for almost two days. If it don't stop soon I'm gonna just cauterize it. I got blood everywhere. I ruined 3 t-shirts. I am supposed to start cardiac rehab on monday. I go on my first photo shoot and begin my photography apprenticeship tomorrow. I am excited.

Two Weeks ...

2008-09-05T11:05:00.004-05:00

... Since I had the stent put in my left anterior descending artery. The pain is all but gone. I have quite a bit of bruising left though. I am amazed by the technology and God's grace. I don't seem to blog as much as I used to. It started as a measuring stick for growth. It slowly turned into a whining platform. I have been trying not to whine as much.
I had a pretty big let-down yesterday. My cousin Peter gave me an antique soda machine and said do what you want with it ... sell it or donate it to TC. I put it in the men's center, got a new changer and put soda in it. Being that it's an antique it had bugs to work out before it went into operation full-time. I was told yesterday that the guys were buying and stealing sodas. We will move it into the ADP today. I always want to hope the best for the students I serve. I am generally let down by a few that are willing to screw it up for all. Being in social service sometimes has it's drawbacks.
Last night we got the rack set-up for the new band. We still have a few wiring details to take care of. Everything works the way we want. The only exception is that Peter is going to have to get a 24 channel snake instead of the 16 he just bought. We are using 4 PRX bottoms and 2 double-stack PRX full-range with horns. It thumps !
I start cardiac rehab on the 22nd. I need to make it to the YMCA to find out if I can get a scholarship. I must start a regular exercise routine. I must get back to my studies as well.

Phil 4:13 I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.

One Week

2008-08-28T20:16:00.002-05:00

Today has been one week since I had the stent put in my left anterior descending artery. First off ... praise be to Jehovah Rapha. Twenty years ago they would have cracked open my chest and gave me a bypass ... at least one. I am feeling much better too. I am still black and blue and all kinds of colors by the insertion site. There is still a little discomfort ... not much though.
The guys were glad to have me this morning for praise and worship. I let a student pick the worship sheet the day before. I really enjoy doing it with them. It's not mandatory ... I just want too ... go figure ? I will start cardiac rehab on the 22nd of september. I plan on joining the Y if I can get a scholarship. I am really gonna be broke for the next 2 years. My part of the "pill bill" is 150.00 per month. I now buy "heart-healthy" everything. It too is pricey. God will provide ... Jehovah-Jireh. This whole thing kinda took me by surprise. I don't have heart disease ... I have CAD ... coronary artery disease. I am guessing that my dad had the same thing. I still have two coronary arteries that have 50% blockage. Medicine and exercise should take care of that ... although ... a coupla more stents won't kill me ... ha ha ha ha ha ... bad joke I guess. Enough for now !

The Auction

2008-08-28T08:42:00.002-05:00

I knew that there would be a little bit of clean-up after I returned to work on tuesday. My boss said we did great on the 14th. I picked up one check friday. In no way great. I just got the unfinished business list yesterday and I have over eight grand in checks being held because standard operating procedure was not followed. Mistakes were made all over the place and to make matters worse ... there are lost titles. Today I will begin the clean-up. It's nice to be needed but ... ? ...

Stressors

2008-08-26T08:18:00.002-05:00

I am going back to work today and before I am even there I am getting stressed. According to one of the many booklets that they sent me home with I am supposed to avoid stressors ... things that are sources of stress. Nice thought. It also talked about my response to the stressors. I guess when it all comes down the pipe ... nothing is worth getting all bent out of shape about. Stress can and does have an effect on our health. I can only rely on Him.

When tragedy strikes ...

2008-08-23T19:14:00.002-05:00

... You find out who your friends really are. It seem sto me that I don't have as many friends up here as I thought. Aside from my Ma and Pat and Nereus ... no-one came to visit or even called me with the exception of Mark R from work. I had all kinds of people calling from the St Louis area ... but not here. Pretty disheartening. I am glad that I know Him who holds everything in the palm of His hand. As I sat in the room alone waiting to have the stent put in ... I had plenty of time to think ...

I will never leave you or forsake you.

Amazing Grace

2008-08-21T18:30:00.003-05:00

It has been an interesting week to say the least. I told Ma on sunday at the greek picnic that I needed to see a doctor about my chest pains. I asked her if Dr Riches was accepting patients. She didn't know and just gave me one of his cards. I called and got an appointment for tuesday. Dr Riches scheduled a stress test for the nest day. I took the stress test at West Allis Memorial Hospital at 6:45am. I was having chest pains on the way to the test. They stopped until I was in the last minute or so of the stress test. After the test I went back to work. I made a trip to the DMV to get some titles and then returned to work. Shortly after I returned my phone rang with an unknown caller id. It was Dr Riches. He told me that the test gave some abnormal signs and that I needed to stop what I was doing and go IMMEDIATELY to the Wisconsin Heart Hospital. Today (thursday) I had a stent put into my left anterior descending artery. There was a 90% blockage. I will have to change the way I eat and start getting regular exercise.

By His stripes we are healed !

Unsure

2008-08-18T21:48:00.003-05:00

Seems as though I have some decision making down the pipe. I thought that everything was working out. I thought wrong. I am not able to live up to my bosses standards. All he does is belittle me. I constantly hear about my attire. For the last month I have worn the stupid collared shirts that he requires. When I wear one of my own shirts he asks where the ones he gave me are. I believe that my stint may be coming to an end. To make matters worse I have been having chest pains. I am going to the doctor tomorrow. I am glad that I have made my peace with everyone possible. More importantly ... God through His Son Jesus Christ.

P&W

2008-08-14T08:33:00.003-05:00

Did praise and worship with the guys this morning. Seems that when I actually get my lazy rear-end outta bed and do it I feel like I'm supposed to be doing this. The guys really enjoy it. I do too.
I will begin my Final Cut Pro training next week. I am excited about it. I am going to scan around 150 pictures and then make a slideshow and then author the disc. It will be on a Macintosh. Tonight I will set up the light show and get things the way I want them.

The New Pledge Of Allegiance ? ...

2008-08-05T22:00:00.001-05:00

Since the Pledge of Allegiance and The Lord's Prayer are not allowed in most public schools anymore because the word 'God' is mentioned.... A kid in Arizona wrote this NEW School prayer:

Now I sit me down in school Where praying is against the rule
For this great nation under God Finds mention of Him very odd.
If Scripture now the class recites, It violates the Bill of Rights.
And anytime my head I bow Becomes a Federal matter now.
Our hair can be purple, orange or green, That's no offense; it's a freedom scene.
The law is specific, the law is precise. Prayers spoken aloud are a serious vice.
For praying in a public hall Might offend some one with no faith at all.
In silence alone we must meditate, God's name is prohibited by the state.
We're allowed to cuss and dress like freaks, And pierce our noses, tongues and cheeks
They've outlawed guns, but FIRST the Bible. To quote the Good Book makes me liable.
We can elect a pregnant Senior Queen, And the 'unwed daddy,' our Senior King.
It's 'inappropriate' to teach right from wrong, We're taught that such 'judgments' do not belong
We can get our condoms and birth controls, Study witchcraft, vampires and totem poles.
But the Ten Commandments are not allowed, No word of God must reach this crowd.
It's scary here I must confess, When chaos reigns the school's a mess.
So, Lord, this silent plea I make: Should I be shot; My soul please take!

5 Day Pass

2008-08-04T09:52:00.002-05:00

Friday was Tony's first day of his five day pass. Tony really didn't have anywhere to go. I told him last week that if it was ok with the higher-ups he could stay at mine and Josh's apartment. It turned out to be a really nice weekend for him. Friday Josh took him to a fish-fry and then on saturday he took tony to Chicago. Sunday he came to church with me. We ate at Conejito's and then had a late supper at Kit's on Capitol.
Tom continued the Strangers in a strange land series. We covered chapter four. The humbling of Nebuchadnezzar. Remembering who the source is ... is very important. Being humble is diametrically opposed to the ways of our flesh. I am guilty. It is a daily struggle. Once one realizes that it all comes from God ... it becomes ... somewhat ... easier.
After the initial stress of moving I am actually glad that I'm here. I honestly thought that I was going to leave. Quite wierd. It all turned around after Jordan left. Even wierder is that Jordan had absolutely nothing to do with my situation.
I guess I'm going to get back into teaching. Alvin and myself are going to work together to see if we can find suitable curriculum for the second phase guys. I am going to check into Lifeway again.

Alrighty Then !

2008-08-01T13:18:00.003-05:00

The last two weeks have gone remarkably well. Tom returned to continue preaching on the book of Daniel. The main thrust was that we, like them (Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego) need to engage the culture around us. I tend to agree with him. Christians for too long have separated themselves from society at large. Today we need to remember the story. They didn't try and tell everyone that they were going to hell. Instead they engaged the culture and excelled at what they did. In the long run they affected a lot of people. Too many times we as Christians are just plain jerks. When the guys at the office/shop ask you to the bar after work ... your first response shouldn't be ... "well, I don't drink." I am NOT saying that we should frequent bars. What I AM saying is that we don't always need to be a stick in the mud/jerk. Jesus told us to be salt and light ... not hermits. Be involved with the people around you ... especially those that don't profess Christ. Jesus showed interest in everyone He was around ... especially the poor. If I'm not mistaken ... we are supposed to emulate Jesus.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it !

Strangers in a Strange Land ...

2008-07-22T21:21:00.002-05:00

... is the second in a series that Kevin did a wonderful job of preaching on sunday morning. We went over chapter 2 of Daniel. There was a lot of material to cover. Many if not all christians know the story of Daniel. The main thrust of the sermon was the fact that Daniel, in the face of being executed didn't panic. He went to his friends Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego and asked them to seek God for an answer. I know that I would not have responded the same. I'm ashamed to say that I'd probably ran outta there. Someday I'd like to be in the place of unshakeable faith. Things that drove me nutz 2 months ago barely bother me now. Learning to trust Him is a growing thing. Sometimes I feel like an infant.
I went to Peter's last night and came home with another car-ful of equipment. He says he has a lot more too.
We have a gig at the North Shore Country Club in Mequon. Dress code enforced. I will bring some Khakis and a nice golf shirt. Craig just gave me a bunch of new golf shirts ... go figure. It's difficult for me to dress up every day. I keep thinking that "it's not me." Why is it so difficult for me. It's not like I am a manual laborer anymore. I just simply can't get it through my thick skull that God has brought me out of that for a reason. I dunno ? .... I struggle ... most of the time.

Da' Nephews

2008-07-19T08:09:00.003-05:00

Last night (friday) I went over to Yvonne's to see if I could get the boys. They weren't home. Yvonne and Hailey left so I just talked with my niece Marina. After about ten minutes the boys showed up. I was really happy about that. I took them to the St Veronica's festival. It was miserably hot and humid. I never really realized how stupid poeple act at festivals. We rode all the rides including the hammers. After a short trip to the bank we returned to do some more rides and eat. We ran into Suzie and Richie and their 3 kids ... the triplets. It was nice to see Rich. I hadn't seen him in quite some time. The Toys were playing in the band tent. They were pretty good but, it was just miserable in the tent. Tonight we are playing at Kiko's. It's one of the fancy restaurants owned by the late Frank Monreal. I guess I am breaking out all of the lights tonite. It should be interesting. I really need to sit with the system and get a hands-on session to do some programming.
Tom preached a good one last sunday. He started a new series. We're going over Daniel and the stories of Daniel, Shadrach Meshach and Abednego. He talked about how they used a quiet witness. We also talked about the sermon at Community Groups thursday night. We discussed which one of the 2 camps we were in and where we draw the line. The first being the legalistic, in your face, turn or burn camp. The second being the quiet, respectful, loving type. I believe that the silent and loving witness has more validity than the "turn or burn" philosophy. While God can use either ... what is proper ? ... I went on to say that we need to be led by the spirit. There is a fine line and many times we cross it in the "name of christianity." I recall being really militant after TC. I also know that I offended a lot of people telling them that they were headed to hell if they didn't turn to Jesus. Great witness ! ... NOT ! Some would call me apathetic. Did they say the same about Daniel and his friends ? Think about it ... they were given new names in the sinful culture that they were taken too. In those days your name actually meant something ... it was "who you were." Without a bunch of backround information you can tell what they didn't do. They didn't run around with signs telling everyone that they were going to hell. They excelled in their environment and focused on themselves and their God. We all can learn a valuable lesson from them.

Weeds

2008-07-16T09:25:00.003-05:00

Friday, Yia Yia called me to come and pull some weeds. I told her that I can't. She gave me an attitude. I went over there sunday after church. It was a jungle of spotted spurge. It was an infestation like I've never seen. I started in the back of the house. Spotted spurge is particularly menacing if you don't pull it out by the tap-root. I got a whole 12' by 4' area done in four hours. It was miserable. I also got burnt to a crisp. I went back over there on monday and tuesday. Yia Yia fell on monday and had to get stitches. She broke her glasses and got a black eye to boot. Anyways, on tuesday I broke out the big guns ... Roundup. I pulled the bigger weeds and sprayed the smaller ones ... millions of them ! On the way home Ma called and said that the toilet was plugged. I ran over there and took care of it. I finally made it home at about ten. Today is wednesday ... get cars to the auction day ... anotherwords ... generally speaking ... a day of annoyance for me. We'll see. I met my new housemate on monday too. Seems like a good kid. He's the new youth pastor at Evangel. He seems to be high-maintenance. We'll see ? ...

Indescribable ...

2008-07-12T08:04:00.002-05:00

... is the name of one of my favorite songs by Chris Tomlin.
From the highest of heights to the depths of the sea. Creation's revealing Your majesty.
From the colors of fall to the fragrance of spring. Every creature unique in the song that it sings. All exclaiming
Indescribable, uncontainable,You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God. All powerful, untameable,Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim. You are amazing God.
Who has told every lightning bolt where it should go. Or seen heavenly storehouses laden with snow. Who imagined the sun and gives source to it's light. Yet conceals it to bring us the coolness of night. None can fathom.
Indescribable, uncontainable,You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name. You are amazing God. All powerful, untameable, Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim. You are amazing God. You are amazing God. Indescribable, uncontainable,You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.You are amazing God. All powerful, untameable,Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaimYou are amazing God. Indescribable, uncontainable,You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name. You are amazing God. Incomparable, unchangeable, You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same. You are amazing God. You are amazing God.
The reason it is one of my favorites is the lyrics. Read the lyrics and think for a minute. The blue highlighted lyrics mean the most to me. God knows exactly what is going on inside of me and still loves me. That alone is incomprehensible. Let's face it ... aside from His grace ... I am screwed up. Things at work are not going to change ... but my attitude is slowly but surely changing. Do I still get annoyed at work ? ... You better believe it ! ... However, the degree of my annoyance seems to be getting less and less.
Peter must really see some kind of change in me. Thursday he sent me home with a Dell Power Edge server, flat screen monitor and a Yamaha digital processor. Basically it's the sound card for the Dell.
Friday, he went to Uncle Bob's music store and hand-picked me a home-sized PA system. The fact that Peter is even talking to me again is a miracle. The bigger miracle is that his wife has forgiven me. I am working my way up to production engineer. At least that is his plan. I'm ok with that.
My dream job seems to be coming into view ... I can't tell you what profile I posted it but here goes ... Dream Job:Free-lance photographer. Peter has not only a photo studio but, a video production studio as well.
I guess what I'm trying to say here is that God is indescribable.

Alright Already !

2008-07-09T21:53:00.002-05:00

The last few days have been extremely rough. My attitude sucks. I really don't know for sure what to do. Part of me says stay and the other part says "run like heck !" I can be so sure one minute ... and then losing my marbles the next. I never realized what a basket-case I really am. I am quick to apologize but, I'd rather not shoot my big mouth off giving reason to apologize.

The planning meeting at the Schlitz Audobon Center went ok ... I guess. I am just not wired for the planning sessions. Gimme a screw-driver and I may be able to fix it. As far as the pen and paper ... that's for web-design or lay-out. Let me do what I know ... keeping it running like a well-oiled machine. The longer I'm here ... the more I plan on leaving.
I will be getting a new house-mate this weekend. I'm interested to see how this one works out.

Maybe tomorrow will be better ? ... I sure hope so !

La Casa Thalman

2008-07-06T09:01:00.002-05:00

Friday the fourth was filled with food, family and fun in the sun. Me and Ma drove to Peter and Millies' in Waterford WI. The house is right on the Fox River. Everyone was there except TNT. The place is beautiful. They put two years of painstaking labor into the place ... and it shows. I regret not being around to help. I am really blessed that this side of the family isn't a bunch of drunks and druggies. Everyone is or was professional. All of the "adults" are now retired. All of the "kids" have careers. I am hoping to have one soon. I took a few pictures. I also brought the video cam a took a few minutes of footage. The video didn't turn out too well. The day turned out wonderful ! It is my goal to make it to all the family functions.

Happy Independence Day !

2008-07-04T10:36:00.005-05:00

Last night I was blessed to run lights for the Heat Band at the McKinley Marina. A lot has changed technology-wise but the concepts of sound and light production have not. The set-up went a 'lil slower than expected but we made it. First times are always slower. The food was good, music great and the fireworks were even better. The tear-down went faster than the set-up.1.5 hours 'til we pulled out in the truck.
The work situation hasn't changed. I am tired of working here. Alvin does what he wants, breaks his word but, he expects me to follow his lead. I'm tired of it and am now planning my leave whether or not my main prospect comes through. Basically, I am tired of the Alvin Cox show. It's all about him and I am just plain sick of it !
Today I am riding with Ma to Peter and Millies' house in Waterford. I remember something Mema said years ago ... "If you don't have family ... You don't have shit." Pardon my language. I am actually glad that I'm back here in Milwaukee to enjoy my family. I wish I could say the same about my job. Oh well ...
Tomorrow is Lacy's first birthday. I wonder how many of the family (dad's side) will show up. The only time you see everyone is at funerals ... I didn't make it up here for Uncle Donny's. We'll see.

Andy Rooney

2008-07-02T15:13:00.000-05:00

Andy Rooney did this a few weeks ago ... it's amazing !

I don't think being a minority makes you a victim of anything except numbers. The only things I can think of that are truly discriminatory are things like the United Negro College Fund, Jet Magazine, Black Entertainment Television, and Miss Black America. Try to have things like the United Caucasian College Fund, Cloud Magazine, White Entertainment Television, or Miss White America; and see what happens...Jesse Jackson will be knocking down your door.

Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game.

I believe they are called the Boy Scouts for a reason, which is why there are no girls allowed. Girls belong in the Girl Scouts! ARE YOU LISTENING MARTHA BURKE?

I think that if you feel homosexuality is wrong, it is not a phobia, it is an opinion.

I have the right 'NOT' to be tolerant of others because they are different, weird, or tick me off.

When 70% of the people who get arrested are black, in cities where 70% of the population is black, that is not racial profiling; it is the Law of Probability.

I believe that if you are selling me a milkshake, a pack of cigarettes, a newspaper or a hotel room, you must do it in English! As a matter of fact, if you want to be an American/Canadian/British citizen, you should have to speak English!

My father and grandfather didn't die in vain so you can leave the countries you were born in to come over and disrespect ours.

I think the police should have every right to shoot or arrest you if you threaten them after they tell you to stop. If you can't understand the word 'freeze' or 'stop' in English, see the above lines.

I don't think just because you were not born in this country, you are qualified for any special National Assistance, loan programs, government sponsored bank loans or tax breaks, etc., so you can open a hotel, coffee shop, corner store, or any other business.

We did not go to the aid of certain foreign countries and risk our lives in wars to defend their freedoms, so that decades later they could come over here and tell us our constitution is a living document; and open to their interpretations

I don't hate the rich I don't pity the poor

I know pro wrestling is fake, but so are movies and television. That doesn't stop you from watching them.

I think Bill Gates has every right to keep every penny he made and continue to make more. If it ticks you off, go and invent the next operating system that's better, and put your name on the building.

It doesn't take a whole village to raise a child right, but it does take a parent to stand up to the kid; and smack their little behinds when necessary, and say 'NO!'

I think tattoos and piercing are fine if you want them, but please don't pretend they are a political statement. And, please, stay home until that new lip ring heals. I don't want to look at your ugly infected mouth as you serve me French fries!

I am sick of 'Political Correctness.' I know a lot of black people, and not a single one of them was born in Africa ; so how can they be 'African-Americans/Canadian/British'? Besides, Africa is a continent. I don't go around saying I am a European-American because my great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather was from Europe . I am proud to be from

America

and nowhere else

And if you don't like my point of view, tough...

God's Faithfulness

2008-06-30T21:01:00.002-05:00

Tom Orlando preached a good one yesterday. It was about faithfulness ... God's faithfulness in particular. When we were faithless He was faithful. Tom told his story and I can definitely relate. God has been faithful to me and all I can do is reject His provision for me. He gives and I complain. I am so like an Israelite it is pathetic ... or is it ? ... I guess if I'd buckle down and pray like I used to I might hear His still small voice. I think of my empty apartment just a coupla weeks ago and now it's full. God provides like usual and all I want to do is go back to backbreaking labor. I sometimes don't even know myself. I seem to be waiting for this holy-grail experience when I already know. I must keep walking forward. He will remain faithful ... even if I am not. It seems that He is also opening some doors that had been closed for good. I am going to get a chance to work for Precious Studios and the Heatband.
Will I ever be content ?

Vee Haf Vays ... II

2008-06-26T08:39:00.002-05:00

Just an update on the auction/price-protect thing. I made the call at 4. When I called Jill said "Is it noon already"? We both laughed. When I dropped of the keys we laughed again and I told her I now understand why it's last-minute at TC. I guess I'll get used to doing the last minute shuffle.
I'm reading another really good book. Fresh Wind Fresh Fire by Jim Cymbala from the Brooklyn Tabernacle.

Vee Haf Vays ...

2008-06-25T11:53:00.002-05:00

Ov makink you talk you know. An impression of Arte Johnson from Rowan & Martin's Laugh in. It's wedneday ... the day before the auction. Normally it's a very unhappy day for me. My boss likes to wait until the absolute last minute to put together the price protect list for the auction. I am getting used to it but, I still don't like it. Today, Alvin is out of town so I will probably make the call shortly after 1:00. We'll see ... stuff just has a way of happening.
The meet with Peter and Kari went great last night. They are gonna give me another chance. Too cool. It was nice to cruise around in the Vette ... hard to get out of though.

Somehow it all ...

2008-06-25T06:20:00.002-05:00

... works out ? ... The last three months have been kind of a large test/trial for me. Personally I don't think I did too good on some of the tests ... some, I flat out failed. After Jordan left it seems that things are coming together. The relationship between my cousin Peter and his wife is being restored. Kari actually told Peter to invite me over last nite for supper. Kari, after a long time has forgiven me. I enjoyed eating with them. I have a chance to get back into the music business, working for the Heat band. Not only the music business but the video and photography business as well. It just seems to me that God is making a way for me. When I thought that there was no way but to leave full-time ministry, God shows Himself strong.
Many years ago I left music behind because of a choice to smoke crack. When I came back to the Lord my desire to play again resurfaced. I was blessed with a Yamaha acoustic. A few months later I was afforded a wonderful opportunity to buy a wonderful guitar, amp and accessories. I paid it off Memorial day weekend.
My first gig is at the McKinley Marina on July 3rd. I will help Bill set up the PA and then I will run the lights. Peter said if I can be trusted I will eventually run sound myself one day ....
Thank You Jesus !

A Good Week ? ...

2008-06-20T21:47:00.002-05:00

... That's hard to believe for me. I really haven't had one of those in quite a while. I really had my doubts after Jordan moved out and took EVERYTHING. Whether or not the stuff was his really don't matter to me. The house is now in the process of getting filled up. Last night I got a free loveseat from a gal on craigslist. I also bought a dinette and three living room tables. I am amazed by His provision. I am so much like an Israelite it's sickening. He provides ... I complain. It seems like a vicious cycle to me. Will I ever be content ? ...
Things went better than I anticipated earlier inthe week. I cannot talk further about it on this forum.

I wonder ? ....

Double Rainbow

2008-06-15T16:38:00.002-05:00

I caught these shots shortly after the storm saturday.

Aggravation After ...

2008-06-14T20:37:00.002-05:00

... Aggravation ... seems to be the theme of my relationship at work. My boss does whatever he pleases and I have about had enough. I cross all my t's and dot all my i's when it comes to protocol. Work is what I consider it now ... not ministry. It has be come the dreaded-ho-hum work a day bummer. I have officially started sending out resumes. It was a struggle sending out the first one. After the garbage of the last two weeks and especially friday ... there is no longer any struggle.
Friday was the Greek Festival at Yia Yia's church Ss Helen and Constantine. Everyone was there except TNT and the kids. No surprise there. They really don't know how much it pains Yia Yia and Ma. There will be large amounts of guilt when Yia Yia passes or ... maybe they just don't care. I took a bunch of pictures. I'll get them up a.s.a.p.

Wholly Moley !?!?!

2008-06-13T15:06:00.002-05:00

Jordan showed me last months bill for WE Energies and I almost crapped in my pants ! $119.00. The 36 for gas didn't seem bad .. but, the 83 for the gas was mind boggling considering we seldomly use the stove. I turned down the temperature on the water heater. I'm gonna check around. I cannot afford to work here if this is a non-heating month. I can only imagine what it will be in the winter or if I turn on the air. I may have to consider the $135.00 budget plan. I am not very happy at the moment.

Nuttin' New

2008-06-11T20:21:00.002-05:00

I guess I have grown a bit in the area of expectations. Like usual wednesdays are hectic around here. Generally, Alvin waits until the absolute last minute to put together the price protect for the auction. I handled it a bit better. Knowing that it was going to be at the last minute helped me accept it. Was I mad ? ... I'd be lying if I said no. I was a bit mad but, not like I normally get. He also broke his word about calling ACE too. I was a bit madder about this because he promised he would never do it again. I definitely learned a valuable lesson from CR about putting expectations on others. If we do ... we will set ourselves up for failure. No matter what happens in the future ... I will be better for going through the last 3 months.
I took another shot at the AC at the womens center. They need a pro.

Hmmmm? .....

2008-06-10T19:26:00.002-05:00

I've been up, down and all around the board with my emotions lately. I wanna run but yet I wanna stay. I wonder too if I am trying to earn something. Am I supposed to be here or am I here because of some sense of obligation. Why do I feel I have to be in vocational ministry ? The Word tells me "Whatever my hand finds to do ... do it with all my heart." I will continue to seek His guidance and the counsel of other godly people.
I must consider prayerfully the opportunities that lie before me. I also want to do the right thing. I think that He may be giving me another chance at "real work." Not that ministry isn't real work ... because it is. I have been used to working with my hands on a daily basis. I think Judy sees that in me. She has little projects for me all the time. I am thankful for her. She makes working here bearable.
I think Alvin is getting close to getting the retail sales license. How do I tell him and the the rest of the ministry that I want NO part in retail sales. I have my reasons. Could we bring in more money ? Yes, but at what cost ? How long will we sit on vehicles. I already think Alvin lives in a dreamworld when it comes to pricing. Even without the retail license I've seen things stay way too long. The RV should've been gone a long time ago.

Stormy Season

2008-06-08T17:29:00.003-05:00

Saturday night had some of the most rainfall seen in a long time. I was getting ready to go to Walmart for a few things. I stopped in at the office to check the type of bag for the vaccuum cleaner. Appleton avenue in front of Timmerman Field was flooded. Ma called me to tell me that all the mulch I put in was washed away. She wasn't too happy about it. I decided not to go to Walmart when a few cars got stuck. I went back to the apartment and started scrubbing the nasty shower. It stormed for hours and man was it coming down. The electric company shut off the power at Yia Yia's house because they heard buzzing. Everyone in that block had floods in their basements. I got there at about 10:00 with Ma this morning. Yia Yia went to the girls across the street for the night. There was about 2 feet of water in the basement by the looks of a few fabric chairs. There was crap everywhere. (uncle)Peter and (auntie)Millie brought a large shop-vac. One of the neighbors across the street let us use his portable generator. We put a bunch of the ruined stuff by the curb. We got out pretty much water and cleaned up what we could. It is sunny now.

Unhappiness ? ....... Or ? ......

2008-06-06T16:38:00.002-05:00

.... What ? It is either a season of discontent or it is time to make a decision. I have never been so unhappy in all my sobriety. I dread going to work. It doesn't matter how much time I spend in devotions ... as soon as I think about going to work ... my joy leaves. I am not sure if this is just one big test ... that I appear to be failing miserably ... or if it is a signal to move on down the road.

Boerner Botanical Gardens

2008-06-03T09:15:00.002-05:00

Sunday was the end of a harrowing week. I have never been so dissatisfied with my job. I think I quit about a thousand times in my mind. I am still here. I wonder if this is a test or if it's decision time.
After church I went and picked up Yia Yia and then picked up Ma. We went to the Boerner Botanical Gardens. It now costs $4.50 to go through the gardens. I remember when it was free. Turns out it was the Iris competition. It was wonderful. I took a bunch of pictures. I wish that I had a monopod to stabilize the camera in macro mode. The pictures turned out ok. Here's a few of my favorites.

Some of the colors were absolutely amazing ! God's creation is perfect. Yia Yia was easily tired and we had to leave after about an hour inside and out. I am glad that I took pictures of them together.

Somewhat Refreshed ? .....

2008-05-29T14:27:00.002-05:00

I was able to spend a wonderful weekend with my friends in MO. The weekend was way too short. The temperature was just right. The singles bbq went off without a hitch. It rained a bit but then it cleared up. I was able to talk with my mentor/friend CR. God's love has been shown through him like no-one else. I enjoyed my time with him. Saturday night I sat and talked with Jan and Mindy and Debbie. We sang some songs and then I split. Worship on sunday morning was fantastic. At the train station monday morning I got a call from the MIlwaukee PD. We lost 2 cars. It's been pandemonium since I've been back. Phil 4:13 says that I can do everything through Him who gives me strength. I don't know how much more I can take. It's all I can do not to snap. I felt great until I got back. I am going to a bbq with my community group tonite. I'm gonna make a greek salad.

Blessed ... Again

2008-05-21T16:24:00.002-05:00

Where do I begin ? ... I got denied at Enterprise Car Rental on saturday because I didn't have a "real" credit card or a utility bill in my name. Not being able to rent a car meant I had to either take a bus or a train to St Louis for the FCC Singles BBQ. Both were close to $200.00 ... I couldn't swing that right now. On top of that my car has been in and out of the shop for the last 2 weeks. I get the bill tomorrow. Anyways, I wasn't too happy about not being able to go to the event. I figured that it could be worse so I just got over it. Yesterday my boss/friend from St Louis TC said he'll pay for me to come down AND let me use a vehicle while down there.
I did praise and worship today instead of going to the mens meeting. It was the best that I've experienced with these guys.

Thank You Lord !

An Apology

2008-05-16T09:26:00.005-05:00

The last few weeks I've been doing alot of whining. I'd like to apologize for that first to God, ... then to the few readers I have. Even though I am getting a glimpse of what I am supposed to do ... I want to screw it up like usual. I am gonna try to lessen up on the whining and try to deal with my feelings on a less populated forum. I have so much to be thankful for and all I can do is whine about it.
Yesterday was the golf outing. The weather was nice and I got burnt to a crisp. Tom Pipines was the emcee.

2008-05-12T08:35:00.006-05:00

Man, it's Monday already ! The weekend was definitely too short. The weekend started by Ma's house digging in the garden from 8 until around 1. We pulled out hundreds of Hostas, removed a dead Spirea bush, moved a few plants around and then added topsoil and mulch. Here is the finished product.

Ma was happy with the finished product ... so was I.

Actually, the weekend started in old South Milwaukee with my best friend from high school. Here's a shot of the 2 old guys ... fat.
Jed showed me all of the work he did at his sister and brother-in-laws house. After that we went to a couple of the old bars we used to get plastered at. The only difference is that I didn't get plastered.
After I finished at Ma's I met Pat and we went over to Rhonda and Rob's in Bay View. Here's a picture of Rhonda and Rob. And then A shot of Rhonda and Auntie Shirley. We had a couple cups of coffee and then we went to the Richard Bong state recreation area to do a little ATVing. It was my first time atving out there. Pat still had some of my old coveralls. I was glad he had them AND glad that they still fit. They were tight but they fit. Here's a coupla shots. Me ... covered in mud. Pat ... cleaned up a bit. The atv's.
Mothers day ... was quite interesting to say the least. I started the meatballs around 6:20. Everything was pretty much finished. Jordan didn't clean like he said he would. I cleaned and then he came back from wherever he was and said I was gonna clean." I'll be glad when he's gone. I'll probably get someone worse. Then Ma called and said Yia Yia was going to the hospital. We sat at the hospital until 1:30 and like usual ... nothing was wrong. We ate and then I drove both Ma and Yia Yia home. The I planted the Hostas in front of the front step.

Changes ? ...

2008-05-08T06:57:00.003-05:00

I guess I am changing a bit. My room mate, Jordan, left his usual mess on the living room table, only this morning it was disgusting. There was a bunch of Taco Bell wrappers and a bunch of lettuce, tomatoes and sour cream smeared all over the glass. I was ready to snap. I didn't though. While tripping over his dirty clothes, I crumpled up the wrappers, wiped up the mess and then made my coffee. I am blogging this not as annoyed as I usually would get. I guess I am changing. I realize that I need to talk with Jordan. I also need to have the right attitude when I do it.
On the way home from super Walmart, Ma called and said that TNT both called and said I was around their house with Yvonne. First, I was never in Lannon, second, I haven't seen Yvonne since, uhh, last friday ? ... I'm not sure. These two are, in my opinion, just asking for trouble. Not only are they both losing their minds, they are stressing Ma. I pray for their salvation. The ones who are suffering are the kids. The poor kids. The choices we make ... affect EVERYONE around us.

Better ...

2008-05-07T16:45:00.002-05:00

... than before. It is turning out to be an ok day for a Wednesday. Generally speaking Wednesdays are nuts around here. Alvin is allowing me to put together the Auction paperwork. We have a new checklist for the vehicles. I will know in advance where the vehicles are going. For the time being, we are not sending cars to BSAA. the gas is killing us.
I really like having this blog. I can vocalize my issues without blowing up or saying something stupid. I somehow feel better when I get it off my chest ... even if no-one is listening. (but God)

R&R

2008-05-04T07:34:00.002-05:00

I was gonna go up north this weekend. I backed out at the last minute. We were going to Green Bay to Pat's cousin Mike's. When we were on our way to pick up his boy Jon he mentioned that we were then going to Door County. I thought about it and then decided not to go. I only get to go to church once a week so I'm NOT gonna miss. Green Bay would've been cool because I could have gone to Mark Cox's church Central A/G. I would have liked to visit him and Tricia. Back when I first started in full-time ministry ... Mark quickly became a good friend.
I enjoy spending time with Pat. He's a good guy and has been a friend through all the garbage. He says he wants to quit drinking. I don't sweat him about anything. I gave him the 12 steps and the 12 promises the other day. He doesn't get the christian thing. I don't preach to him or anyone else for that matter. I live it. Living it is a concept that many christians don't get. We are not called to condemn everyone and anyone to hell ... we are supposed to love them where they're at.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it !

----------------
Now playing: Jethro Tull - Cheap Day Return
via FoxyTunes

The Struggle

2008-05-03T09:28:00.002-05:00

I don't know what it is with me lately. I have a tendency to flirt with disaster. The scriptures tell me that the call is irrevocable an yet I still struggle being in full-time ministry. What it boils down to is this:I am selfish and greedy. For the better part of my life ... I pissed my money away on drugs and booze. Now that I don't do the drugs or booze I'd like to have a few "things".
I don't play well with others. I have always in one way, shape or form ... been the boss or somewhere up the authority structure. I am not the boss here.
No-one can serve 2 masters. The spirit desires to serve Him. The flesh wants money, money and more money.

Ministry II ? ...

2008-05-02T06:49:00.002-05:00

Although the situation hasn't changed in the least ... I have calmed down. Aside from writing to this blog ... I can unload on a friend who understands the situation. We prayed for each other last nite. I still don't understand why I feel obligated to put up with the crap that I do. Sometimes I feel like I'm being punished. I DO know that that's not the case. Sometimes I wonder if I'm even called to full-time ministry at all. When I was in High Ridge ... I was somehow positive. Here in Milwaukee though ... I am not so sure.
At the weekly Men In The Morning group Brad asked me what I feel my calling was. I told him that I believed that I was supposed to get the ADP up to par legally so the next guy would succeed. I think that' task is close to being complete. The (IRS) information returns are done. A few more processes need to be engraved in stone and then if the processes are followed ... a monkey could run it. It is in my opinion that these processes should be in place within the next month.
Lord, direct my path.

Ministry ? ....

2008-05-01T15:40:00.002-05:00

... or what ? ... Sometimes I'm absolutely positive about being here. Is here just here in Milwaukee or is it here at Teen challenge. Most of the time I can't stand it here. To me that just isn't very fulfilling if I am not happy the majority of the time. Why do I struggle so much ? I realize that I'm selfish. Everyone is selfish to a degree. Why is it so hard for me to find at least some kind of happiness/contentment doing what I'm doing ? Why do I feel obligated to be here ? Should I feel obligated ? What will happen if I go back to a secular job ? I shouldn't fear anything but God. Won't God be happy with me as long as I'm serving Him ? I'm confused, mad and very irritable right now. I looked at milwaukeejobs.com and it was loaded with positions I could fill. Mark 9:24 sums it up for me right now. Lord I believe, help thou mine unbelief.

Joy In The Journey

2008-04-29T18:33:00.002-05:00

Yesterday the 28th was a landmark day for the crew at the ADP. We filed the information returns. What this means to me ... The task that was set before me is now complete. We can now move onto developing a successful program. I posted IRS Blues a while back. I have learned alot in the last 2 months ... God believes in me so I must start believing in myself. There is value in everybody ... no matter what I feel about them at the time. And last but not least ... I am EXACTLY like the Israelites. God gives and gives and gives and I complain, complain ... you get the idea.
Nereus is giving me training and work. I feel incompetent at times. He said I'll get it. Here again ... I'm critical of myself. I enjoy learning from him even though he is sooooo much more intelligent than I am. I want to be worthy of my pay. In construction ... I generally know what I'm doing. I've been outta the web design stuff for so long I feel ignorant.

A Good Week !

2008-04-25T22:22:00.002-05:00

This turned out to be a very productive week. The weekly, monthly and YTD totals are up compared to last year. I am glad because all I hear is "In 2006 we did ...." I am happy for the increase. I realize that God Himself provides for the increase. Granted we need the ADP to produce but, we can only plant the seed. It rains on the just and the unjust alike. God is assembling a team that is a winner in my eyes. If you would have told me a year ago that a spreadsheet would be my friend ... I'd have told you you were nuts ! I am getting the hang of Excel and Access. I have alot to learn but, as Phil 4:13 says "I can do everything through Him who gives me strength." What I can't figure out will be taught by a wonderful assistant. I have 2 wonderful assistants. Without them I would have sunk. I am equally grateful for my boss ... Alvin. He has the "right stuff."
I talked to a friend from the singles group at FCC tonight. He's a great guy. He told me some good news about a certain situation I cannot share at the moment. I am really happy for him and will continue to remember the situation in prayer.

Interpersonal skills ? ...

2008-04-23T19:54:00.002-05:00

Dealing with others has not always been one of my strong points. Generally I let stuff build to a point and then either blow or become bitter. I try not to go to the latter. I approached my roomie and asked him if he wouldn't mind throwing down a towel after he showers so I don't step in water and more importantly ... the rug doesn't get sour. He said yes ... whatever it takes. I will put up another towel rack for the towel. We both told each other we appreciate each other. I sometimes feel like a kid.

I almost ...

2008-04-23T18:40:00.002-05:00

... lost it this afternoon. Like any other Wednesday ... we were getting ready for the auction. I seem to be getting used to getting the paperwork done at the last minute ... par for the course. Today seemed to be going great until the mass of confusion at the end of the day ... right around 5 pm. I asked for the "what's going where" list. I printed the Badger and GMAA reports and called GMAA. I then looked at the cars that were going to a particular dealer. 1 of the 4 cars matched ! I was annoyed to say the least. We eventually got it sorted out. There was also a minor problem with data entry.
I believe the door is being opened to minister to my friend Pat. He wants to quit drinking. I basically gave him the AA scenario. I told him that any program that works points you to faith in a higher power. I need to be lead by the spirit. He has been a good friend ... especially through the tough times. He would do anything for me. I feel the same. I'd like to see him get a grip before it kills him.
I'd still like to find an open jam.

Revelation

2008-04-19T09:56:00.002-05:00

I went to breakfast with Alvin, Abby, Ed and Kevin this morning about a mission trip to India later this year. Abby's parents are the missionaries. I am not sure about what I was feeling before and during the breakfast. Before, I was feeling that I need to support the Ramble's financially. I actually had a figure in mind. The figure is beyond my means. While we prayed I began to weep. I don't know what is happening inside of me. I need to quit all of my whining, get down to business with my studies and focus on what God is speaking to me. Craig mentioned last night that he wants to send 2 staff members to India. Ed asked if I'm interested and, of course, I said yes. I also have my passport. I am unsure if I have any motives or if this is a God thing. I'll post more on this one down the road.

Annoyed

2008-04-16T08:24:00.003-05:00

I found out some things this weekend that have made me sick. I put it at the feet of Jesus. I will try to leave it there. I feel like a maid. My room mate doesn't even make any attempt to clean. I can only imagine what the apartment would look like if I wasn't there. I will eventually have to address the room mate thing. I must make sure my motives are pure. Am I a control freak ? Am I being anal ? I guess I'm a bit of both. I am attempting to have a home ... not a nasty bachelor pad. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Work Day At Mercy Hill

2008-04-13T10:10:00.003-05:00

Saturday was a work day for Mercy Hill. We painted the entry/loading dock of The Hide House where our congregation meets. It was truly an exhilhirating experience. As an experienced painter I was blown away how this group of people pulled together and got it done. It was a blessing to serve. I look forward to more opportunities to serve this body of believers. Thursday will be the next meeting of the North Community Group. I hope that I can get there. I was going to church this morning and the !@#$%&*^! power steering was out again. I went to put in a pint just to watch the entire thing leak out at Speedway. I tried to see what the deal was. I couldn't see anything so I went to the office and listened to a coupla messages by Ed Shirrell of my old church in House Springs Mo. Faith Community Church. I was annoyed just a bit. It cost 95 bucks to fix last week ... we'll see.

Steady As She Goes

2008-04-09T18:45:00.002-05:00

Today I finally made it to Sven's Cafe for the Men In The Morning group. Three of us showed up. I am glad I went. I was thinking up every excuse in the book not to go this morning. I made 2 new friends. It is going to be a commitment I'd like to keep. Accountability is a good thing. I need some more male friends. I have kind of walled myself in since I've been up here.
Things in the office are starting to finally ease up a bit. The group of guys at the ADP have been outstanding. We are almost finished with the old business. Today we actually closed 4 files after sending the cars to Ace Salvage. I let it be known that closing files is THE goal in the office.
Saturday is going to be a work day at Mercy Hill. I forgot to sign up but will let Kevin know I am going to be there. Another opportunity to stay plugged in. This whole "community" thing is tough for me up here ... why ? ... I dunno. It is by His grace alone that I stand OR fall. He is able. So am I through Him !

Wisconsin Die Casting Closes

2008-03-30T08:18:00.004-05:00

On Thursday March 6 2008 Wisconsin Die Casting closed its doors. This is not new news. This is yet another rant that tells what I feel is an injustice by corporate America. Due to health reasons my mother, Ramona T., was forced into early retirement at the tender age of 62. Ma has been in and out of the hospital since December of 2007. Ma has advanced COPD. Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease. In early January she had a heart attack due to the severity of the COPD. After 2 weeks in the hospital she was released. Before she was released she asked me to come home and help with her day to day needs. I, of course, said yes. I took a leave of absence from Teen Challenge of Saint Louis to return to Milwaukee. Ma was in serious condition. I knew in my heart that the right thing to do was to move back home to help both ma and Yia Yia. (Greek for Grandma) The executive director of Milwaukee TC Craig Harper called me 3 days later and offered me a job at Teen Challenge of Wisconsin. I have been back in Milwaukee for a little over a month. Ma has been in contact with others at Wisconsin Die Casting. No one knows anything. Ma's short term disability is done in April. Ma needs either the COBRA or affordable insurance. To my knowlege the owner of the company
Sunset Bank
Harry Johnson (exec. VP)
521 W. Sunset Dr.
Waukesha, WI 53189
262-970-9000
did not give proper notice of the closing. This is outrageous ! The bank must give some answers and do the right thing. The fates of 65+ people, including my mothers, future stand in the balance.
Another Blogger tells a little more of the story.
The Milwaukee Journal/Sentinel also has a piece about it.
Foundry Management and Technology
Wisconsin Politics.com.

Just a 'lil bit ...

2008-03-29T08:48:00.002-05:00

... better. As I wade through the mounds of paperwork I am finding that the tasks are slowly but surely getting finished. One of my assistants finished the 1098c 2007 project mailer. Many of the titles that needed to be re-assigned are filled out and signed by the asst. director. They now await one of the guys from the salvage to sign them ... then I will make copies and close the files ... so to speak. The amount of lost titles ... I cannot comprehend ? ... The unfinished business list from GMAA gets smaller with each passing week. It is one of my goals that we close all those files. All the stuff that was done incorrectly my first 2 weeks have been repaired ! ... Whew ! The next project is to address the same 1098c issue with the first 3 months of 2008.
I have another assistant who has an engineering degree. The guy is a whiz with both Access and Excel. I am really thankful for him. I have already learned a bunch from him. As annoyed and annoying as I have been this first month ... I am finding that my attitude is the one that needs changing. I already knew this but ... I see the similarities between myself and the children of Israel. I asked for all of the situations that I now complain about. Have mercy on me a sinner ! I need to remind myself of this throughout the day. Why must I be this way ? ... I think Paul put it best this way in Romans 15 O wretched man that I am ... Who can deliver me from this body of death ?
I had an interesting night with the ladies next door. I want to cook a meal for all of them at our apartment in the future. I feel a ... get this ... fathering instinct for the 3 younger ones. I wonder what their testimonies are. They all seem to be such sweet ladies. Fact is none of us who end up at TC are here 'cause we were singing too loud on the choir ... with the exception of a few.
I am getting to know some of the students better. I don't know all of them and that is the way I believe God planned it. I am able to minister to the guys that I deal with on a regular basis ... the ADP guys. I will commit to 2 days a week for leading P&W for devotions. I also need to commit to the Wed. Mens group when it actually meets.

Happy Easter ! ...

2008-03-23T09:11:00.003-05:00

In Greek it is Christos Anastasis. Christ has risen. Orthodox (Greek) Easter is not for another 5 weeks ? ... The dates and times are not important. That it happened is all that matters. We all went sledding yesterday at Whitnall park. It was gorgeous outside. Spring in WI is the picture album for the day. I had my first real conflict with ... Myself. I didn't do too good. No, I didn't go drinking and drugging. It was an inner conflict ... dealing with myself and others. I was offended by a brother and instead of dealing with it biblically ... I decided to run and be a baby. Matthew 18:15 and on is very specific on how to deal with those types of situations. The brother was a lot more mature than me and was very forgiving. I now know that he is approachable and willing to listen. Instead of just going to him first I was willing to walk out of God's plan ... as I see it. God is trying to develop character in me and I seem to be fighting Him tooth and nail. What is it with me ? ...

Fines

2008-03-18T18:55:00.002-05:00

Since I have been back I have been able to get all of my court obligations taken care of. The fines on the other hand are staggering. As of today I owe Waukesha County $1763.00. I called today to make a couple of payments. They moved the start date of the latest one to June. Totally cool. I made the last payment of $82.40. I have been paying on that one for a year. Ma told me today that she would pay everything off if I got my DL in WI. Nothing short of miraculous. Ma also told me today that she is putting my name and my uncle Peter's name on one CD account for 55 grand to take care of final expenses. Ma is getting her house in order so to speak. I am more concerned with her spiritual destination than any of the blasted money. My brother is no where to be found. I know where he is but he don't return calls or answer the phone. It's killing my Ma. Ma has been a great mom considering the situation. I don't have any complaints about my childhood. Ma did what she was supposed to do. The only thing she lacked was the Jesus factor. Not many people can make that claim ... my brother and I can. He just chooses to live in denial. I have only one choice but to hold on to Acts 16:31 believe on the Lord an be saved ... you and your household. And then Mark 9:24 Lord I believe, help thou mine unbelief. I like the KJV on the last one.